Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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