But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Define "chronic" masturbator.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
