Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
