All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
