I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
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chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
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A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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