can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
