Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
