And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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