this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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