My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My hand turned me down
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
