She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
