I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
