Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
