Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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