windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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