I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
