dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
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