I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize