I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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