god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
