eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's blow job season.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
