he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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