Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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