every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
