I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
