FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
