She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize