there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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