My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
