Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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