you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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