Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
