remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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