So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
