Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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