His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
