Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
