Having a random hookup so left but love u
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
