And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
