I wish I only lived at night.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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