her vagine was all disorganized.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
