i think my mom watched the whole time
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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