Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Vodka?
Forever.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
