yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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