ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Can I color on your dick again?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
