tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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