I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
