I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
