it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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