Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
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You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
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I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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