there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
