im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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