There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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