well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This is my gift to your gina
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
