Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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