Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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