Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
