Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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