Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
