There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
