He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
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The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
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So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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