I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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