someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm bleeding and have questions
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
