Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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