he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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