An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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