There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
