May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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