i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
