was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
