Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
