Umm I'm too high to move.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
