I think I died a long time ago.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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