The brown eye won't let me do that either.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
