Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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