All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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