pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
